Two parts, one brain!

Good day to all, I'm writing this blog in two parts, one before I golf, and the rest tonight, after(hopefuly) my triumphent return! Remember the time when things were quite? My mom just got into texting on her phone,(and I think she's praticing on me!)She is wondering where my next blog is, so best start now! Mom what dose t 9 w, mean? Anyway, keep them coming, they brighten my day!


Not that my day needs brightening, a friend of my bro's,(and the "first" non realitive, to respond to my blog!) Charissa,(cool name,) has promised to get me Homer Simpsons autograph! Now I don't know if you are aware of this, but Homer is my hero! just such an insperation for men everywhere. I mean, he's been to space, was neibours with two ex-priesidents, was a fireman, was in the army, and navy,("Is the poop deck really what I think it is?") and was the mayor of half of springfield.(for about 20 min.) He was a tow truck driver, a loche ness diver, a snake wacker, a comet tracker, a garbage man, the leader of a clan,(the stone cutters) a foot ball coach, he attemted a deer poach, a food critic coulmist, a town safty activist. He ran a moonshine still, and had the biggest sugar hill. A long range trucker, a pie in your face chucker, a hippie juice maker, a gravedigger undertaker, a celebirty gossip writer, and a prize fighter! Was the head of the niebourhood watch, staked vampire boss in the crotch, was crazy about a gun, and was tetherd to his son. Stopped a radioactive leak,(with his ass!), was bigfoot freak, played golf with his boss, was a carnny ring toss. Grandpa made him a "drug smuggler", but MAX POWER was a "tree hugger", has a third rate physision,(dr. Nick Riviaira,) and was a musician.(opera, grunge rock, & barbera shop!) Has a half brother, an dissapearing mother, and is still the most loyal man I know,("I can't stay mad at you Moe...your the guy who gets me drunk!) been hit in the head, lesser men would be dead, but on Homer it dose not show. A cable stealer, a prison squealer, a casino dealer, and the father of a fake healer!(There is more but I'm all out of ryme.)Remember the time(second) he owned a horse, and became the horse whisperer"When the race starts, run really, really, fast!" Some of my faverite Homer quotes are, "I would rater drink a beer, then win good father of the year.", "Trying, is the first step towards failure."& my fave."Doh!" I swear the man can say more in an uttered "Doh!" then a thousand poets...but the most impressive thing about Homer, is he's soo smooth, and squave, that despite all his many shortcomings, Marge will never leave him.(The real insperation for us bachorlers out there!) He must be quite the hammer in the sack!(oh come on, like you never thought about that!) Anyway's I'm quite excited about the autograph!(no pressure Charissa!) Will give one bachlor tip now, then one at the end of the second half of the blog,(post golf!)


tip 1) Was recently told by a friend, that poptarts are NOT fruit,(and that I will get "scruvey", thanks for the pasta sause Allisson, it was/is delicious!) Well this tip will not help with scruvey, it will make your poptarts more like a meal. What I do is, after they come out of the toaster,(important step, do NOT get peanut butter, or any other goo into your toaster! this would be bad,) smear generous amounts of peanut butter onto the inside(frosty side) of one of the tarts, then stick inside of other tart onto the peanut butter, to make a poptart, peanut butter sandwitch! After two of these, I'd say, breakfest was served! latter, more after golf!

Well I'm back, and I must say, I had golf! You know when you havent had "any" in a while. then you get "sum", and when you go to work the next day, your freinds are like, "ooohhh, you got sum, you got sum, come tell me all about it!" Well with me it's golf, now my freinds will say,"you had golf this weekend didn't you" because of this inner glow that lasts till about first coffee break, then the crap factory takes hold of my soul agien.(Till I get my Homer autograph, I'll keep it with me at work, and when no ones watching I'll take it out and smile!) Golf was wonderful, went to my favorite, midsized course, Delta golf club. It has many par 4's and 2 par 5's, on a midsized course, if you get a good drive, the hole is usally pretty easy, and today, my driver was my "magik frikkin wand!" not normally the case, but when it works good, alls good! Had 5 pars, and many more chances, if my putter had been "on" it could have been one of the better games this year! I went to whats called " super twilight", after 6:30,(the time changes all year,) the rates dropped to $21.(about half of morning rates) The best things about "super twilight" are, you can sleep in,(if your Mom dosn't text you, just kidding mom, I was up!) it's affordable, and the nice cool evening breeze, is nice and cool.(and breezy!) The faiways were like carpet, and not like my old carpets either, good carpet. the greens were the best I've putted on all year, so I have no excuses, smooth, fast, almost like shinny velvet. Nice views, lots of trees,(yes, I hit a few, just to prove thier real!) I ended up finding more balls then I lost, that plus the big assed pizza I bought on the way home, has made for a splended day.

Above is my birddie try on #9, I missed it.(just) To the left is a rock garden thingy, between#1&#10 tee boxes. Below is this (too)brave little bunny, that would not leave!(wouldn't tell me were my ball went either though.) I think I blinded him with the flash, sorry little guy, didn't know it was dark enough for the flash!
















I think other than golf, my only excercise, is when I forget something, and have to run up/down my three flights of stairs, so eventully, I'll be smart, or thin, either ways o.k. with me! Time for bachlor tip #2)You know how it's easy to not want something, as long as you have it? But as soon as you run out of something, its all you want. The thing to do is, after you eat all your McD's, keep the bag in the fridge,(leave in some McChicken sause, or some napkins, because leaving an empty bag in the fridge is just insane!) Now when you open the fridge and see the McD. bag, you'll think,"wow, burger, I'll save that goodness for later, I'll eat the crap now and save that treat for latter, when I'll be really hungery, and enjoy it more!" I've had the same(almost)(I'm not insane)(yet)empty bag in my fridge for like two weeks now,(at least I hope it's (almost) empty, don't really want to look anymore,) and it's working like a charm! I've eaten half a jar of peanutbutter, and three loaves of gas station bread,(gas station bread seems to out "fresh"most other bread, maybe the oil residue, I dont know, still trying to figger out my couch!) and I'm still saving my phantom burger for latter! Have a good day, and may you all have golf this week! DufferKev.