Grey Power!

Good very early morning to you, hope I didn'twake you!

The reason I'm writing this in the middle of the night, is that I'm having sleep issues. These I blame on what I call "super naps" I also belive my couch is secretly some sort of timemachine/portal into a sub universe.(But as my research is ongoing, this will remain a "theroy" only, I promise to update you when I get results!)

Some time ago,(about a year and a half I guess,) I started growing my beard, it had been some time since my last beard scruffier then a long weekend shadow, so no one was more surprised then me when it came out grey!(it didn't go in grey.) The first couple of months were kind of an rebelion stage, like grow a beard, because there's no one here to tell me not to! It was all wild and had no shape, I was thinking of maybe shaving, or dying it. So, I bought the dye,(Just for delusional men!) and after reading the directions, decided to just do it latter. Several weeks pasted, and I started to notice some changes, I shaped my beard,(a little) and decided to leave it grey for now. The first thing I noticed was more people talking to me just out of the blue, and in stores,(like let's help the old man, and get him out side before his stroke kicks in!) Also added sence of respect on the golf course,(Maybe imagened,) like "wow look at the old guy go," or "you still walk the whole course?" or"that guy's got the energy of a 40 year old!" What I'm trying to say is, why make my self look the way I use to feel?(and maybe some times do feel, briefly, on my best day's.) All that would accomplish is to make me look bad for my age,(instead of o.k. for some imagend age,) this way I can compete with the older farts, or at least lose more gracefully to people of my true age.(espeselly because they have dyed somthing in a vein attempt to compete with some 30 year old!) As a side bonus, if I ware my old sweater, no one asks me for "spare change" any more, and on my block, thats a good thing!(What the hell is spare change?)

O.k. on to the bachlor tips for today.

a) If you are going to microwave rice, wait till your microwave is real dirty, the rice always boils over, and your going to have to clean it up anyway's, plus the steam action helps to loosen any baked on "leftovers".

b) Over the years the common beer belly has lost some respect, this is sad! The truth of the B.B. is that it is much more like a camels hump than first thought. In times of plenty, the B.B. stores excess beer residue,(think of it as the life force of the beer, its essence, its goodness!) and saves these for the dreaded times of famine. In these lean times, the B.B. slowly releases the residue back in to the body,(this is why when people are forced to quite drinking, they lose weight.) Recently I went several weeks with out beer, and sufferd no(permenent)ill effects, all thanks to years of adding to my "reserve tank", my life saver, my B.B.

Some times people mistake a wise investment in your future, for just being fat. So to avoid such cofusion, I had a sign made for my B.B. This is also handy when ordering at a large beer garden type place, just flash, once or twice, and your good to go.(and in case I wake up with a Homerhead, I'll know what goes where! ahh, Homer, remember when he was at the pride prade, and he said,"everyones got a six pack, but I've got a keg.") Well I say ware your keg with pride, when your at the beach, and some stick walks by, just laff at them, cause the lean times are a comming, oh loardey yeas, our manly ab humps may be sucked dry by the time this ecconomical desert is crossed! So drink up while you can, and the other reason I keep my belly is, I need it to do this off coloured joke about a female running the hurddles, in the all nude olimpics. (stop by, and maybe I'll show you some time, but just you, o.k.?)

Well thats it for tonight/this morning, maybe I can get some more sleep, if not, theres always the "Super nap" to the rescue! Latter DufferKev.