Spiecal Report, Live from Kat-Man-Doo!

Hey all, Remember last weeks blog...there was a picture of 4 little kittiens sitting on a hay bale, out in the frount of the trailer? Any ways weds. about 1:30 am I wake up to doors slaming and dogs barking, and my Mom running around. About then I remembered the night before, about 11:30, I had to put out the momma cat, and just thought it had been hiding in the house, for the last 4 hrs. About the time I got to the door,(bleary eyed of course,) my mom was coming back in...with a little kitty in her arms,(one of the ones we'll likely keep,)she had saved it from the wild poms in the dog yard. Seems the momma cat was bringing the babies to my moms doggie door,(in her bedroom,)to get them near people, I guess.(I mean I dont speak kitty you know!) So one was already inside, and the one my mom saved, so thats only two, no problem I'll just take em back in the morning. Mom gets them some food and water, a little litter box, and we go back to bed. I wake up in the morning, and theres now four kitties in my room! About an hour latter I hear the out side dogs going nuts again, and sure enough, kitty #five is out on the hay bale, waiting to be rescued, and brought into the warm, fun house! #six I had to go get,(I lured it from its hiding hole in the wall of the other trailer, by offering my fingers as bait!)it made more sence to bring one here, then five to there. I now have all six of them,(plus the momma cat when ever she shows up,) and let me tell you...if ever your down, take six kittens and call me in the morning! Crazy, phyco little beasties! It would be hard to be sad with six little kitties playing on/around you!

So after the first morning, my slippers were across the room, and I suspected the kitties of course,(as my couch demon was left in Vancouver,) and I knew they were playing with them, so I left them out and snaped some shots of them. So lets have a contest...pick your favorite cute kitty in the slipper...and GO!

Ok first we have Mulligan, wareing the latest in the walmart slipper...and again with the off the shoulder look! very sheik.

Next we have Hazzard, also sporting the walmart slipper...and an action shot, cought in mid attack, watch out happless victom...your in hazzard!

Now a rare glimps of Grey Ghost, soon to vanish once again into the mist, enjoy the elegonce while you can...farewell ghosty, farewell!

Back once more, the most photographed kitty of all six, Bunker Kat! Today Bunker is showing off a slinky little slipper, from the walmart bargin line, and of course showing off those stunning blue eyes too...very nice Bunker, very nice!

And finally ladies and dudes, we have Divit, now Divit was aptly named, as its the only one who consistently leaves holes in me! hahaha...but really, Divit is seen here lounging in the comfortable, evening slipper, avaible now form your local walmart, and for those stiff upper lip, nights out, the slipper converts well for an night out on the town...not appearing in this fashin show was little Stripe Face Kat, who apperently dosent care for the slipper, but heres a shot of the after show party, when Stripe Face found out Bunker was dressed the same...I think it might have ruined the night for all! It was hard to break them up, as the secerity could not tell where one kitty started and the other ended, so saddly both had to be satdated.

Ok, did you pick your favorite? tough choice I know, but any help you could give would be great. On to the next problem, for many years now, kitty ranchers have been strugleling with the issue of getting the kitties to market, whats the best mode of transporting a frisky little fuzz ball to the auction? you tell me...If you can get it loaded, cruisin on the back of a big duelly pick up would do, heres Bunker showing us how.

Very nice Bunker, or whould you load them in a trailer? Heres two in, and a third on its way in. Door closed? No problem for little Hazzard here, or you, with these easy open doors, any one will feel like they have the strengh of a mighty kitty...And when its tiime to step out, you could do it in style with this kitty trailer. Or would you just pack them up in a big suitcase? All set for the big trip, kitties ready to travel in style! Nylon, with fake leather trim, holds all six kitties with room to spare, for your walmart slippers of course! At the time of this picture, two other kitties are still playing inside the spacious interior! Well thats it folks, pick your winner, whats your favorite way to get your fresh kitties to market?

The Banner shot is of the entire clan, with poor momma cat on the bottem, I think she was just trying to get a nap, and they all mauled her, sucked the poor thing dry in seconds! you think bountys super absorbent? its got nothing on six thirsty kitties. The next shot is of all the kittens, except Bunker Kat,(must have been off on another photo shoot, or something,) Hazzard has taken to sleeping on me, and meowing to be picked up, its soo cute, I almost forget the hellion it really is. Hazzy is the one who walks up to the dogs, and goes for a swipe! I'm not kidding, the others retreat, but not Haz, its crazy how the names worked out, the cats personality is starting to match the names I gave them before, weird! Well thats it for this edition of the Kat-Man-Do Express, Weekly, and just so you know, none of the photos were set up, or faked in any way, I just set toys out, and waited,(for about 2secs.) then shot away over the last two nights. No kitties were harmed in any of the previous documantation,(although my toes are getting sore, I dont move them much at all, it dosent matter, I think they've got a taste for my blood, oh well, its all for the betterment of mankind, right? If any of you are worried these cats will grow up indoor wussy cats, with no hunting skills, fear not, after watching them attack each other for the last few days, I know they'll do alright, plus the momma cat has started bringing in mice for them to eat! Its kind of funny to watch, one kitty will have the mouse like half down, and any other kitty who comes too close, get a very nasty growl, from a little kitty with a half mouse stuffed down its throught! Tonight Mulligan got a big mouse, and after it was down, Mulli just lays down, and any time a nother kitty bumps into it, it gave a sad little growl, and went back to sleep, mouse over load! Now some one tell me how a skinny little momma cat, can catch like 4-5mice a night, bring them through a doggie door,(past my sleeping mom!)walk past two inside dogs, and jump a 3 foot fence, all without dropping the mouse! Well its time to sleep, the ankle biters are sleeping for the moment, so should get some sleep while I can! Bunker, Grey Ghost, and Hazzard, are sleeping on my feet right now, so will try to slip out from under them with out waking them up, I think they dream of war, chaos, and biting my ankles! Have a great week, Latter ScratchPostKev!

Have Den, Will Travel!

Good(Morning, Afternoon, or Night, just pick the greeting that applies to you,) hope everyones had a good week, wore off some of that turkey belly, got over the hoilday hang over, etc. Now for one of my favorite times of year, Halloween! Every thing is spooky cool! and there are lots of great movies on tv,(not to mention, the simpsons hell-o-ween, spooktacular marathon!) I like to think I keep a little halloween with me all year long! Then comes the low point of the hoilidaze, christmas! Malls full of over priced,(under built) trinkets, bought by weekend parents trying to buy a years worth of love, from kids who'd rather just be love all year anyways!(but this is only my opinion, if christmas still works for you, thats great! but why not be smart, and move it back like a week, then give bigger gifts after the mega sales! huh, good idea eh, sorry not mine, but still a good idea.)

Moved the DufferDen on thursday, and the WoodyShed aswell. I didn't move it, but was there and helped, i.e. crawl under stuff, hook the chain on stuff, move heavy stuff, go get stuff, etc. It was quite a day indeed. The day started early, with a fresh dusting of snow,(for the animals to play in, Carlin&Sam, show your dogs this picture, of Mago,the big furry one, Spotty, the smaller spoted one, and The Momma cat, all playing in the snow...like real dogs do,) First things first, have to clear the new spot. Now the most important thing to moven stuff,(or recking stuff for that matter,)is to know some one with a hoe,(and no, not a pimp!)and back hoe that is. Stuff will get moved! My new spot was inhabited by a old, falling apart redneck summer home,(camper)that had to be moved before I moved in. As you can see, it was not a problem to just get it gone! The banner shot is of the camper dissapearing into the back pasture, past the bored horse, and confused llama.(stupid llama, I had to chase it back in two times in three days! Nobody shaves it, nobody pets it, and nobody even looks at it...I wonder how llama tastes?) So the operator of the back hoe,(or hoe master,)(still not a pimp,) is my Mom's(sort of)borther in law. His name is...well everyone just calls him Punky. A few days after the move, I was driving by his place, and took these shots of the Tree of Woe, and the Bush of Death on the hyway side of his property,(and yes there up all year long, not just for Helloween,) If you notice, the trees are planted upside down, and the skulls are on the roots! Cool!(the stuff you can do with your own hoe!) To my eye, this is art, I seen art,(and more then just the naked stuff too!)and to be art, there has to be a meaning behind the whole thing,(no, cool is just not enough!)like how the giant corperation pisioned the water and all the cows died, and this was His silent protest ageinst the uncaring, faceless, earthkilling greed!(or somthing like that, in one of the shots that didn't make the cut, there is an old rusty water pump, repersenting the unuseable, death water,)(heavy stuff!)

So after the spot was cleared, it was time to move the DufferDen, and after a few more tire issues, the move rolled right along, smooth as a 40yr. old trailer, could be expected to anyways! And after a few twists and turns, and a couple tight places, the Den slid snugly into its new home! So now I have to skirt it, and have been working on the water, and sewer. The gas will be hooked up soon, and I've being digging a power trench,(a trench to put the power line in, that is, not a trench full of power,)(oh and my mom dug the part in the dog yard, with the dog poo, I don't do, dog poo, do you?) This may be a good time to tell you of the mistake in last weeks blog, I thought my trailer was 10x100 ft. but remember, I had just finished my ceiling in a very un-ventalated place, so may have been seeing double, or something. It is indeed 10ft. wide, but as my mom pointed out its 52ft. long. Then after looking at our marks painted on the ground, we decided to measure the darn thing, and get ready for it,(dum roll please!)its really 42ft6inches! SNUG!

After the trailer move, the little woodworking shed,(code named, The WoodyShed) was the next to find its new home. The snow had been melting all day, and the hoe was slipping all over the place, till Punky scraped it all away, to get some good traction, heres a shot of the WoodyShed in its new home,(with spoty still hanging around,) see how much the snow had melted already? The shots of Punkys "Death Portal, Under Life" piece were just a few days latter, and I've seen cars at the golf course, so...am really hoping to get out once more this year

So this afternoon, while bringing in coal, and firewood,(yup, I'm farm boy now!) I saw the kittens over by the frount of Mom's trailer,(right next to the pen full of little poms, who will kill them at any chance,) and it was getting dark. The trailer where they live,(for now,)is way across the yard, a long, long way for little kitties!(so I gave them a bunch of dog food, to tie them over till they get back home,(and boy, did they love it!)(and boy did the poms hate it!)(hehehehe!)and snaped this shot of 4 of them, the other two must have stayed home, with the cushy pillows and stuff.)Bunker is in the frount, cute little one! Any way, its been a long day, still lots to do, just got a new window in the bedroom, so can finish that wall now,(fun fun!) hope you all have a great week, latter DufferKev.

The DufferDen

Well how the hell are ya?(was trying to think of a new intro, might need some fine tuning yet,) but seriously, hows it going? I'm still busy restoring the old trailer into the frisky new "DufferDen". For those of you who don't yet know, I inherited a 1969 trailer,(yes insert trailer trash/red neck joke here...I've heard them all,)its about 10ft. wide,(on the outside,) and a whopping 100ft. long! So when I first saw the trailer, it had been used as a dog kennel for some time,(years,) so it was hard to understand all the mouse shit, don't dogs eat mice? But after a good cleaning, it looked much better!(of course now, with the renos, it looks like dirty chaos!) I started in the bedroom bathroom area, and because the hall was so narrow,(my joke was, it was to small to fall down when I got drunk, except if I fell on my face!)I decided to just re-move a couple walls here and there, and make the bed room into a master bedroom with an en-suite! This has several advantages, like its easier to jump into bed after a shower, and theres no wall to slam into in the middle of a bleary eyed night,(no, but there is a dangerously low ceiling fan, oh, this will be fun, if I thought the couch demon moving the coffee table for me to slam my toes with was bad, just wait till the demi god of the ceiling fan decides to move it 8 inches to the left, just as BlearyEyedKev, comes wandering through, zombie like, on the path to "whiz now, and be back to bed before you wake up,"land, right untill the fan digs a furrow in mybrow! oh this will be fun! the words I'll say, in the middle of the dark and lonely night...)and of course, theres so much more room.

So I was working on the ceilings for the last while, and almost have it finished, here are some during and after shots, these after shots, have only one coat of spar varnish on them, they will get two,(very shinny, oh and should be used in a VERY well ventelated area, saddly, my area was all sealed in plastic, and it was too cold to leave the door open, so it was VERY unventelated). Some parts of the ceiling, were dented in,(like maybe santa was double parked with the easter walrus or somthing,) not good, so I had to brace up portions, to make them level. Soon it will be time for it to be moved to its final resting place, then it will be time for the re-skirting,(insulating the bottem to keep every thing nice and toasty=re-skirting, now you know, and knowing is half the battle!)and of course, hookng up all the utilitys. But for now, I'm just taring out the old wood style panel, and beefing up the old insulation. I will be dry-walling after the move, afraid it might twist loose during the move.(drywallings not quite enough fun, to want to do it twice.) I will write more updates as things get finished. This is my first home that will really be mine, maybe its a case of manopause,(the male version of the mid life crissis, and thats assuming I'll live to 80! seams like a kind of big assumtion to me!)but it sure feels good to work on my place.(even if its as old as me! no kidding, the trailers from 1969 as well, little did it know, after its unglorious accention into mediocrity, some 40yrs would pass, before its triuphant rebirth as the dignified "DufferDen"!) I'm goin for a classly little bachelor's pad,(no, not the zebra striped, round bed, and disco ball, approach!)but will have to see how it turns out. Trying for the 3 C's of design, Cozy, Comfortable, and of course, Cool!(with maybe just a dash of Crazy, thrown in for spice!) When I'm moved in, then I'll resume the "Bachelor Tips of the day,". Iv'e been told by some, I must have rocks in my head, to fix up an old trailer, but heres what I say about that, A)the older stuff is usally built better,(although, I might be the exception!)B)Most of the insulation was in real good shape, plus I'm adding like an other inch of styrofoam to all the exterior walls, so it WILL be cozy! and C) I recently had a catscan, and as you can see, no rocks!(so there!)

After I finished the ceiling, I deicided to panel the wall behind the toilet in the same pine board as the ceiling, and for some stupid reason, I decided to do it at 22.5degrees,(because like 90 or 45, would have been way too easy or somthing!)not the quickiest choice maybe, but hey, I like it. Here is a before and after, of the same wall.

So the banner shot at the top is the view from where my frount window will be, and the second shot is of where my back window will be,(my moms trailer, is some where on the left, so I'll get the morning sun first! oh, and beening back there means I'll be closer to the gas, and power hook up, closer=cheaper!) About an hour after I took these shots, it started snowing hard again,(while I was busy finishing the wall,)and made every thing look so pretty, unfortunletly it was too dark to redo the shots, so just imagen it all with 3inches of fresh, clean snow blanketing all the scenery,) I was afraid it was gonna kill me, the first snow, or -8,(-12, with that ever persent north wind, blowing up my back,)but other then the foot warmer part of the Blaze's heater not working at all,(seriously, I wore my slippers driving on the way to town today, the ones from wallmart, with the cute little skull-n-cross bones on them, very macho, I know,)I think I'm doing alright, it seams to be warmer, here, then in Van. even when its colder, I was born even farther north then this, so may be more use to the dry cold, as oppossed to the VERY wet cold of the coast.(Although I could,(did)golf in the wet cold almost every week, now, not so much!) Any way, hope you all have a great week, Iv'e got a little more to do to prepare for the big move,(across the yard,) and will be sure to get some shots of the event, will keep you updated, more exciting tales of the reno next week, Latter, DufferKev.

Lost, Treasure Found!

Hey, hey everybody! Hope youv'e all had a great week, Mine was busy as normal, getting my trailer ready to move to my new yard, and picking up my(slightly)used rv trailer, the "Birdie Station". Now when I first saw this mobile mansion, I was deceived into thinking this was a normal, ten year in the bush, type of rv, but in realility it was much more! This was in fact one of the lost Dharma laboratories. Its real name is "The Dharma Initiative(Canadian Branch)Mobile Golf Reasearch Station, The Birdie," or just "Birdie Station" for short. If you remember from last blog, I mentioned spending the night after the BeerFest in the Birdie Station, and awoke knowing I was in some place special. Now like most diamonds in the ruff, this gem required some work! First like I've already stated, the Birdie had sat in the bush, un-used, for over ten years,(must have been picked up form a Dharma yard sale or something,) and was given to me by my great friend Lyn, after I finished her cottage paint job.(one hell of a tip, I'd say!) Here is a shot of the exterior, and the finished paint job,(I hope she loves it as much as I love the Birdie, my brand new home instead of home!)

I hook up to my trailer, and gank it from its tree lined grave,(you remember gank, dont you, giant+yank=gank!) I should say the inside was/is in great shape, no mold, mildew, or dead mouse mummies,(you should see the ones I found in the bigger trailer I'm restoring, complete mouse mummies with full skeletons, and fur piles all around them! don't belive me? well I took a shot of one, just to show the likes of you! see, if you look close enough you can see it's little skull, ribcage, and backbone/tail.) No, the inside was pristien! The out side a disaster!(but not un-cleanable.) So I spent about an afternoon, plus next morning cleaning the outside, and changing the broken roof vents,(of course the second one was much easier to change then the first, why is that? I really still didn't know what I was doing for the second one either.) After hours of scrubbing, with every type of brush, and scouring pad I could find around the CommPomFarms, the results were stunning!


Here is a before and after of the back, before was taken at Gull Lake, and the after here at home.

And the front before and after aswell,(just thrown in for good measure!)

Unfortunatly, I am unable to show any pictures of the interior,(because of the super secert, sensitive, scientific equipment contained within, and stacks and stacks of Dharma Porn!, just kidding.)(Although the Dhama beer, and snacks are wonderful, after the peanut butter is empty, I plan on a Dharma sock 2000, just in case I'm stuck some where,(like a island)my socks will always be fresh and clean!)

My path now is clear, my mission, obvious, I am ment to continue the research into the superior golf exsistice, the "Birdie Zone" if you will. I must now travel the world,(Canada,) and seek out the true essence of the perfect golf experience! No small task, granted, but one worthy of a life long obsession. Unfortunently, I don't have the funding behind me, like the real Dharma has,(yes they still are around, just harder to find,) so if you feel the urge to donate to this worth while, and potentally earth shattering experiment, to quote Psycho
Mike-o from The Infectious Grooves/Suicidal Tendencies, "We take cash, we take checks, we'll even take your momma's dentures if they got gold in them!" Because, lets face it, towing this station around will be expencive, aswell, the price of golf is never cheap, and whats to become of me? Non-stop, indepth, mind altering, golf experimentation, will surly take its toll, on my mind, body, and soul. But this price I will gladly pay, for the betterment of all mankind, for with the discovery of unlimited golfing power, surely the planet will heal its self from all maner of conflict and strife!(the ultimate power struggle, and oil greed, will pale in comparison to this great acomplishment!)


Moving right along,(just as if I wasn't rambling for like the last 2 minutes, or something,)here is a shot from my Mom's cell phone, of this humble duffer, at the beer fest, notice the ramrod strait pinky finger, that is from years of being a tea tottler, while living in a english mannor house, back when I was known as "Lord DuffeKev", no, but very British of me none the less. Notice also the shit-eating-grin, thats from the other 17 beer I sampled before this shot! I think this beer was the Zeitgeist, see it is black like satan's semen, that DrunkKev, sure is a shrewd one.(Sure wish I'd listend to his advice on marrage, though, could have save all kinds of time/misery!)

About a month ago, one of the very tame yard cats gave birth,(probably the female one,)and the search has been sort of on for the kittens ever since. One day I spotted them playing in the sun, and snapped this shot of one of my faverites. Not sure if it's a boy, or girl, kitty but I'm calling it Bunker Kat,(like the sand bunkers from a golf course, cause its got one sandy paw, like it was in a bunker.) The first time I saw this little one,(with the other 4, we think,)with my Mom, the others were alright, but this one, reared back, and tried to hiss at us. It was soooo cute, cause it didn't know how, so it just went,"hthaa, hthiss, hathoo," at us, more of a perverts heavy breathing, then a scared/pissed off kitty. So right away, I like it's spirit, don't let not knowing how to do something(or even why you do somthing)stand in the way of it getting done! I might even move Bunker into my DufferDen,(when the trailers more re-stored, and it's bigger then the mice I expect it to eat,) but will have to see, I've had some great cats, and some I didn't care for much at all, so will wait a bit to see if we clash or not. In the mean time, do you want a cat? there are 3or4 to choose from, all little fluffy things, just looking for someone,(just like you!)to love them, and take them home before the expencive stuff starts! Thats it for now, hope youv'e enjoyed it, latter, DufferKev!