Church is Golf

Hello anybody, today is the day after golf, and I still glow a little! Not that I went to a great course, or even that I play'ed well, but damn, it sure feels good to get out agien! Ended up that I would be golfing alone, but, sadly, thats not the only thing I do solo now a days.(Hey I wasn't talking about THAT! I ment, like going out to eat, or movie night, or drinking alone, stuff like that.) Got out too late(like 9am.) to zip around by my self, so played with a couple I just met, Jack and Brenda,(don't ask me how I remember thier names, usally not one of my strong suits,) and they were real nice people!(most times, every one is quite polite, and freindly on golf courses.) I played very adverage,(at best,) had 4 pars on my frount 9,(and a few Big #'s as well) But on the back 9, a few got away from me!(to say the least!) I don't know if any of you have played Kensington park pitch&putt? but it's a pretty little, very hilly, city owned par 3. Hilly course means hilly greens! On the frount 9, the grass was still a little wet, so the green's were slower, and didn't break as much,(break is the amount the ball moves away from the place you wanted it to go!) But on the back 9, they had dried, and were way faster, a rule in golf is the shorter the hole, the nastier the green! Sooo...on hole 11, I was on in 1,(stroke) about 12ft. from the hole, and had a right to left, downhill breaker, I hit it just a little to hard, it rolled off the green and down the valley, to about 15ft. off the frount off the green. Now I am chipping for par! all I tell myself is,"dont go past the hole, for god's sake don't go past the hole, if you go past the hole, you'll have the same down hill putt agien!" so I chip it past the hole. Shot 4, down hill putt, scary, hit Very softly, and pray to the golf god's to please pitty my poor Boggy riddled soul, the ball stops on the edge of the green, about 10-12ft. below the hole. O.k., now we're talking, up hill putt's are way easier, so just breath, read it, roll it, hole it! but I duff it!(when you hit the ground before the ball, and it goes about half as far as you want.) aahhhgggug!! That was for dubble boggy already! Shot#6, a much harder(although shorter,) shot, ugly little side hill slider that just misses on the high side, and a tap in for a quadrupal (+4) boggy! And all that with a smile!(hopefully not only because of the strangers,) just golfing, no matter how the god's toy with you, is to me a privilage, a sacred honour, to be enjoyed, and respeted as it is my one and only church.

Here is a picture form another day, another course, same socks,(note nice clean big wollys!) this is from Meridian par 3, out in Whiterock, on a winter day, out with my friends, Jay, & Donnie, unfortunetly, Jay is no longer with us, oh no, he's not dead, he just moved to Fort st. john,(some might say there's not much differnts, but I'll not go there!) Any way's, this was another day I was not on my game, not hitting good tee shots, chips, or putt's, I was choking! One could say, I was clubbing it like a seal! (whoa, whoa, down Peta people, wait that dosent sound right, ah, Petaphiles?, No, no, that sounds even worse! How about Petettes? O.k., that'll have to do, any way, don't worry, I could never, NEVER, club a seal, they are like natures Homer Simpson! think of it, bald, shinny head, big, stupid, vacant eyes, no way I could hurt a Homer, so just calm down...and by the way, I like your bread)(get it? Peta bread!) On hole 15,(do you know why there are 18 holes in golf? the scottish wanted 1 hole per shot of whiskey, whitch it weird becouse there are 26 shots in a bottle!?!) on hole 15, the tee box was one of the only ones that had a grass tee box, the others had a astroturf mat as a tee box. I was happy about this, so just squarred off and hit a perfect 7 iron, the hole was 156yards down hill, and my shot landed behined the hold, and spun back into the cup! Niether Donnie or Jay had seen it, but a lady from the next over tee box, came running around the corner,(unmindful of other shots we might be hitting,) and starts screaming up to us" it's in the hole, it's in the f...ing hole, whooooo" So this picture, from Donnie's phone(isnt modern life wonderful!) and a coffee mug, are my meomento's of this sacred occasion. I had one other hole in one, but it happend while I was alone, and because of darkness, even I didn't see it.(no kidding, I walked all around the green, and looked for like 5min. before I looked in the hole!)

O.k., on to ungolf stuff, I've been reading my brother Carlin's book, and it's the best book I've read in years,(it's also the first book I've read in years, but don't let that take away from it, a fine, fine book!) So there's this one part in the book, where, Carlin's talking about some guy doing benchpresses on board a navy ship under way, and they get easier and harder as the ship rises and falls. So this got my little mind wandering, I wonder if anyones ever has broken a nose doing pushups! then I started thinking of cruise ships, and some freak wave hitting, maybe somebody losess a barbell and wipes out half the arobics class,(My Mom was talking about a crusie, Mom stay away from the gym, it'll be much safer in the bar!)

Time for the Bachelor tips for the day, just a couple quickies today.

tip 1) Pizza is some times cheaper to buy as a deal, like 2 large 2 toppings for...whatever, and it ends up looking like prison pizza, thin, and sparce toppings, and when you try to pick up a slice, it all way's droops around your hand, some crappy little chunk will enevitalby fall, sause side first,(of course,) onto your last clean golf shirt! So what you do is, order 4 differnt toppings, that all taste good together,(can't go wrong with 4 types of meat)(just no pineapple, people never order peaches, or pears, on pizza, so what the hell makes pineapples o.k.?) when you get your pizza, just flip one over onto the other one.(doing half at a time is easier for first timers.) Now you have a 4 topping pizza, that is also much easier to eat without spilling onto your last clean golf shirt! Just as a sub tip, try to line up the slices when you flip them together, it makes picking them up out of the box sooo much easier!

tip 2) Stack dirty dishes into your shower, and ware clean socks into the shower,(to get clean socks, check 2 blogs back,) while showering, and cleaning your self, wash your dishes!(caution, be careful of glasses, it's easy to get your toes stuck into a tall glass, and hard to walk out with it stuck on your foot!)

Well thats it for today, more latter in the week, have a good one, DufferKev.

Cheap is good!

Well good day to all, thanks to everyone who left such nice comments. Everyone of you will get your own JiffySock 2000,(check your pantry, it may all ready be there!) Samantha, are you the same Sam, I met when I was 16, and had hair,(but no beard) and that cool assed little datsun pickup, with the cowhorns on the grill? If so, then how the hell are you? it's been like 25 years!(if not, sorry,... welcome still!) And I think Julie is the same Julie who helps me whenever I get lost in grey's annatoemy's deep, deep, subplots. But Charissa, I don't know, and you were the first one(except my bro. Carlin) to leave a comment, so you get the JiffySock 2001!(you lucky girl!) And Mom, sorry your boss dosen't let you blog at work, you'll have to wash your socks the old way,(with a washer and dryer,) but now at least everyone knows how mean he is!
O.K. on with it. This is my 81 Landcrusier, and see the back part? I had to sew all that out of some waterproof, canvas stuff, because I was too cheap to buy an new one. The "soft top" that came with my truck, looked like the bedspread of some monkey research, mating zoo!(bad shape.) It was all tore up, and sticky/smelly(just like as if monkeys had been using it for...ah nevermind.) So I threw it away!(maybe I should have used it as a pattern or something, but being a man, dam it, I just threw it away!) Somehow I lost(threw away) some of the frame I needed, so decided to build a new one. With no plan in mind, I wandered to the one place where every lost soul, with a part thoughtout plan, seems to end up, the Home depo! The one place left in today's socity, where a man with no plan, can walk for hours, looking stupidly at shinny things, and no one will bother him.(not even the dudes in the little orrange vests, who'd rather be looking stupidly at shinny things themselves anyway's!) So I eventualy found my self in the electical pipe area, and BAM! the whole plan just exploded into my head.
After unexploding my head, I went to London drugs and bought a sewwing machine, now some men will tell you sewwing is girly, but here's what I'll say to that:
1)Think of it as a power tool,
2)It's got a gas petal, just like your car,(and like your car, some times you don't have to floor it.)&
3)To buy a replacement soft top, would cost me like $500+shipping...and I'm just too cheap for that! After making the frame, I just laid the canvas pieces over the frame, and marked, cut, then sewwed. I punched in brass eyelets, and tied things on with leather bootlaces, all in all, it lasted over 2 years,(they told me waterproof, but said nothing about u.v. proof, the sun ate it for 2 years, then after a heavey rain, on the way to work, half of it tore away, and flapped all the way to work like some, bullet shredded, war banner, or maybe like dripping zombie flesh, being stripped away in the pale moon light...or something.) But saddly now the landcruiser cruises(?) nomore, untill I fix a radical muffler leak,(I like loud, not illegal,) and some mystrious wiring gremlins, it'll sit gathering dust and looking very undignfied, with its tires slowly losing air, drooping saddly to the right just a little. I now I drive the crappy rabbit, or as I some times call it "The Weasle Moblie" So on to happier things.
Some times being practical and being cheap kind of overlap, in like what I'll call my bachelor's tip of the week, just some little tid bits I've picked up some where allong my winding roads. These tip's may or may not, be of use to you, and remember they come as is, with no refund!
Tip #1)Topic, self recycling: subtopic, toothpaste. When the toothepaste tube is totally empty, and I usally roll it up to get the last little cakes wedged in the corners, then,(and this is something you do when you are the only one useing that tube, unless your a lady, and then your man might think its hot,)take off the cap and just gently suck out the toothpaste.(Be careful the first time, there is a lot more toothpaste left then you think, and the last thing you want is a mouthful of chaulky toothpaste, then you try to dig it out with the backside of your toothbrush, and that just jams it farther down your throut, so you try to wash it out with mouth wash, and thats just grouse, and you end up swallowing half and spiting it all over the mirror, and it's still there, so you end up drinking mouthwash to get rid of the mouthfull of recycled toothpaste, and drinking mouthwash first thing in the mourning, was a road I said I would never go down!) I have gone 1week+ on a tube most people would have tossed. Money saved, is beer bought! But, please, I am not saying go out on garbage day and route around for your neibours old tubes, I just use all the toothpaste I paid for.(Although the sight of people in bathrobes and slippers, out on some lawn with a toothbrush clamped firmly in thier fist, digging franticly with the other fist, "Gotta find that crest, gotta find that crest, come on, come on, come on man, it's gotta be here some where!" yes I'm telling you to go out and...ah nevermind.)
Tip #2)Topic last resort, sarvation food: sub topic, wiener water soup. You know when you boil hotdogs, and there's that film of wiener residew left over? Well here's what you do,(ladies this ones most likelly just for the guy's, but feel free aswell,) keep the water, and the next time you make hotdogs, use the same water, and the next, and the next, depending on how thick you like your broth, keep useing the same water. Eventually you will have what I call, wiener water soup. Now, just freeze and keep till extreeme emergency,(like end of the world, and youv'e already eaten your dog and cat and budggy bird, and renamed your goldfish "shushi", then went hungry for a few days, then, maybe cook up the soup.) I have kept none of my wiener water soup.


Found my ultrasound on the internet, sure explains alot...just kidding, I think I predate ultrasounds,(my area ultrasound is a sketch artist with a miner's helmet.) Well thats it for today, hope to golf before next workweek, need my church! thanks agien for your comments, and to have "followers", takes me back to the creepy cult day's of the 80's, now there's a road I swore I'd never go down...agien.(dont worry, there will be no trip's to the desert, or the dark wood's, just everlasting golf, and clean, clean, socks!

Well hello agien, good to see someone is out there, even if half of you are my brother, on to #2 blog.(agien a mindful of bad plumbing jokes, just brewing up there)
Today I was hopefull of some bleary eyed golf, but no golf today.(just the bleary eyes!) So instead I did some micro-laundry. I spent 12yrs. with a woman who had to have laundry done every week, so I had no idea I had a clothes imbalance.(a clothes imbalance is when you run out of one thing before you are even close to running out of anything else.) My clothes imbalance is with socks, all those years of thinking they were the worst christmas gift ever, have just blown up in my face! I have only about 6 good golfing pairs, nice big wooly socks,(I bought my shoes in winter, things are cheaper offseason.) which I have to ware to make my shoes fit right. When I run out of good golf socks, I dont want to walk all the way down to the laundry mat, so I invented the JiffySock 2000, an 5 min. 1 pair sock washer, and if I can get the pix. loaded, I'll show you how!
Here are all the things you'll need;
a) an cleaned out peanutbutter jar.(please be sure to clean totally, the tiny balls of oilly peanutbutter grinding into the cracks of your toes feels wierd, not to mention the p.b.&toejam issue!)
b)3 0r 4 clean golf balls.(if you don't have any, stop by, I've got lots to spare.)
c)dish soap.(I like dawn because it was on sale that week.)
d)clean, hot water,&
e)1 pair of dirty socks.(agien if you don't have any, I've lots to spare!)
Use any brand of ball you prefer, or if you like, use clean socks and dirty balls, and you have the JiffyBall 2000. Besure not to over fill with water, then just dump all together, tighten the lid sercurly, and...shake, shake, shake! After a few minutes, just rinse in clean water,(your sink,) and add to spin cycle.(do you have an ceiling fan?)

You'll know if youv'e done a good job, if the socks are clean, and the water is NOT!(these images have not been enhanced in any way, I walk around on cement floors in my socks all the time.) And there you have it, now I can golf agien without spending time/money at the laundry mat. Since I've had my JiffySock 2000, the laundry lady dosent hardly remember my name is Brain, witch was only funny till the day she was not there, and I had to explain why Kevin was there to pick up Brains laundry! You too can have total strangers forget who you arent, make your own JiffySock 2000 today!(just send $29.95 right now!...or not.) anyhow, I'll go now, will try to post agien by the weekend, including some more helpfull bachelor tips!

Single agien

Hey hey everybody...is there anybody there?
A little about myself, my name is Kevin, and I'm a 40 yr. old, single agien, golf freak! Golf is were I'm the person I wish I all way's was, it's my church. I have an 81 landcruiser,(diesel) a good bag of golfclubs,(Calaway's all but my putter) and a great beard!(grey) and thats about it.
This is my first time blogging, untill 6 months ago I thought a blog was a plumbers term for what really caused the plug...BigLog, but thanks to my big brother(in name only) I now know differnt. From what little I understand, a blog is a place for me to open my brain, and for you(if you dare) to poke around and let me know what you think? o.k.
Well what I think is single life is simpler in a lot of way's, I'm on time for golf way more often, I save alot of cash on toilet paper, and I'm trying to eat more healthy. Like a few examples are:
1. pop tarts count as fruit.
2. eat fresh food, walk to macdonalds every day.
3. while at macdonlds, grab handful of napkins, tare each napkin into 4, and you have toiletpaper for a month. Also mcchicken sauce makes good mayo subsitute.
4. take a walk befor dinner, time it right and your pizza will be ready when you get there. & last,
5. when out of milk, dump rice crispies into your peanutbutter, grab a spoon from your fridge,(if your spoon is not too dirty, stick it in the fridge, to be used tomorrow.) and yum, yum!
Well thats it for my first blog, hope it works, may go bleary eyed golfing tomorrow, so maybe I'll take my camera and post some pix. latter DufferKev.