The Here, The Now...The There, The Then!?!

Hello, hello.(means more the second time.) My how time flies when your busy at a job you love! I cant believe its already been a month since I've been back at the golf course, but it is!(paydays on monday, we only get paid once a month, so it really means somthing when it rolls around!)

I love the shot above of the scraper in the pond, looks like someone parked the buggy in the wrong spot. Really the buggies in the right spot, the ponds just about a foot too high. This shot was taken from the road, in the fore ground is the 3rd fairway, and behind the buggy, is the 5th fairway, and green site.(the fairways are the black dirt, and the green is the sand circle just below the rusty building.)

If you look carefully, right in frount of the scrapers nose, you can see the dark muddy spot where I got stuck with the old tractor. On my first week back, sunk the tractor right up the the frame!(owed a 15 pack for that one!) Yesterday I scraped the shed wall with the skidsteer forks.(owe an 8 pack for that one!) At our work, you mess up you owe beer!(best job ever!) My buddy Dale(WinDale to some) had a light pole smash through his trackhoes windshield...his beer tastes the best!(Hey Dale, thanks once more for the bar-b-que on May long weekend, yummy!)

These three shots of the green, are from the 11th. Top pic, upperleft,(acrossed the pond,)is where the driving range will end up. I can't wait till thats open, as I need all the after work practice I can get! Cool flags huh? I've played hundreds of courses, and never seen flags like this! I like the way it's two flags doweled(?) together,(reminds me of the old navy signal flags,)(and not the old navy you'd get at the gap either.) The sticks are fibroglass top, and bottem, with African Rinowood center pieces. The reason it's on the 11th green? The 11th's right in the middle of the whole fenced off area, long way to walk from the road, just to steal a flag!(and don't you think about it either...there's gaters in them ponds, and massive barbed wire, with those razor thingy's on them, and gaurd towers, manned with trigger happy ex-mormins, and don't forget the killer bunny, with the long claws and white fangy teeth, and if you enter after dark, you will encounter an enchanter named Tim, and a bearded man with a staff, who will ask ye questons three, before the other side you'll see.....O.k. I just watched Monty Python's holy grail...but really don't steal the flag cause now that you've seen how pretty it is here...I'll owe soooo much beer!)(and the knights who say Nigh, want you to get them a shrubbery.)

Speaking of shrubberies(and I don't beleave I ever have before...)we had a big tree blow over in our yard recently. A few weeks back, just before the big spring skeeter hatch, or B.B.(before blood) we had lots of wind. Like days, and days, of 80, 90, 100km winds, then on one of the calmer days,(30-40km) the tree blew over. As you can see, it fell right next to the driveway. 90* to the east, it would have blocked the whole driveway, 180* to the south, it would have clipped the trunk of Mom's car, so I quess we got lucky.(now what to do with it, so far I just mow around it.) Well that just about catches you up with the here, the now, so lets get on with the there, the then! But before I leave the cyrstiline present for the bleary eyed past, I will tell you this. Our bosses said,(in frount of witnesses,)we can play the course this thursday coming up! The inagural! Openin day!(well for staff anyway's) First divits out of my freshly striped fairways...(put those divits back, and stay out of the tall grass...thats where them skeeter live anyways!) I'm really looking forward to that day, the last time we got to play was a real good time!

O.k., back to the Van. trip. When last we parted, I was standing in Delta golf course parking lot, thursday afternoon, sun blazing down on me, feet soggy, just having lost in poker to a man with one card,(is that even possible?) everybody on the same page now? Then foward!(and onward into the fog!)(stole that from a DirtBike mag. artical late 70's I think, remember DirtBike...it was cool!)(they had Crash 'n' Burn,)( guys just wipen out on dirt bikes with funny saying in ballons,)(good stuff!)

Thursday evening I went back to Shiela and Chris's place. Shiela is Chris's very cool wife, who I hope dosen't mind me borrowing this picture from her face book page, because it's much better then any that I have...I mean it's not like thier in witness relocation or any thing...although that would explain Chris's disquises! Yes that is him on the left, looking very much like a Norman Rockwell painting or something.(blow it up, you'll see!)  Wierd thing is this is his normal look, this was taken just last month, he just wanders into stores to mess with the kids heads...No, sorry, but it is his christmas gig, and from the legends I've heard, he is a very good santa!(and if you two are in WitPro, sorry I blew your cover...wouldn't be the first, but really no one reads this thing anyway's so you should be good!)

I can not say enough about the kindness from Shiela and Chris, taking me in and sharing thier Easter dinner with me was wonderful! When I think of how much it would have cost me to stay in a hotel, and eat out every meal, my vacation would have been about two day's instead of a week. So with out ferther adue, thank you both for your hospitality, and kindness, and I got a clean camper trailer with your name on it when ever you want to come golf Alberta!
Lucy is welcome to come visit too, this is Lucy on the left, a very friendly, loving Red Healer,(hope I got that right,) More then one morning I woke to wet Lucy kisses, it always made me laugh!(not a bad way to start any morning.)

Friday morning I was a bit stiff and sore from the drive, sleeping weds. night in the car, and thursday's golfing, so felt like a zombie day was in order. Chris is very like me in many ways, from our distrust of American forien policy, to our hatered of paying cable companies to watch comercils,(I havent watched any t.v. since the Masters last month, I may watch some Canucks stanley cup final though, all those years I lived there and that team sucked, now I'm gone for a couple years, and look at them go...hey, that gives me a idea...EVERY ONE IN VANCOUVER SEND ME ONE DOLLAR OR I'LL MOVE BACK AND THEN YOUR DOOMED, NO MORE PLAY OFFS FOR YOU!hehehe, even if it works on half them suckers I'll still retire happy!) So they have a large t.v. sized monitor hooked up to thier computer downstairs, and download full seasons of shows to watch almost comercil free, still the occasional short spot for a peanut butter cup or somthing, but much better then real t.v.

So after spending a day laying around catching up on all the cool shows I've been living with out, and stuffing my face with chips, I thought I better get out on saterday! After snooping around online a bit, I found out that just a few miles away was a Puddicombe designed par three, nine hole course named Heather Hills. Now if you remember,(or if I rememberd to tell you,)Puddicombes are the ones building CoalCreek too, so I know some of those guys!(good stories...ah mabe latter.) Real nice landscaping, close to town but with a gorge around three sides and goverment owned land on the other side, it was real quite and tranquil. Just what I needed. One of the cool things was a addmision fee kind of attitude, just pay $25, and play as long as you like, take a break after nine, then jump back in for another 9, or 18, or 27! I played 18, Chris split after 9, as he had to work latter that evening.(and took $2 more off me in the post 9 poker match!)
Look at those white legs, Me leaning on my putter like a wizzard's staff,(don't let me start asking ye questons three,)and Chris, in his best off season santa pose.(I told him he should wear the hat and boots at least...) I really liked this course, it was short, but I needed to work on my short game any ways. The greens were smooth and quick, very differnt then Delta on thursday. Thier motto was "Just like a championship course only smaller!" Lots of water, lots of deep bunkers to escape from, nice mountians in the back ground, and sunshine!

See those shorts I'm wearing? Because of last minute packing panic, these are the only dress code aproprate pants/shorts I had for the whole trip!(now as I gaze downward apon my scabby, and peeling legs from last weeks burn-a-thon, I almost wish I hadn't found all my other shorts, oh well, thier almost done healing now.)

Looking at these pictures today, I see all I needed was to wait a month and I would have the then, and the there, here and now, what I should have done was go in like feb. when we where still 5 months from green! That would have done my soul some real good! More next time on the amazing golf adventours! See the Clash of the Ducks! Hear of the Wind Swept Shorelines! Live the Panic of the Day the Honda Did Not Start!(don't worry, it all works out fine.) Latter DufferKev.

HatchBacks Ho!

Well hey there and happy mothers day to all,(yes, even the moms)hope you all have a great one!(and to all kids out there, here's a free tip: Forget the halmark, sap-a-thon, card shopin expierience, make your mothers day morning unforgetable, with a homemade card. First find somthing around the house to make the card from,(remember its not cheap, its from the heart!)I recomend pancakes! Here's where your creativity takes over, the options are limitless, you can carve them into heart shapes, or just add a heart felt message in peanut butter,(remember to save the empty jar!) a chocolate chip smilely face, will be sure to put a smile on her face! Start early, and dont worry about the mess you'll be making, just slip in and surprise her with a edible card, and while she's trying her best to thank you around a mouthful of mothers day delight,(and not drip jam on the pillow,)you slip out, ninja like for maybe 6-8 hours, go golfing or somthing, the course will be empty early mothers day morning. And the best part is, the house will be clean when you get home!)(oh yeah, you'll only get away with this till your about 12...14 at the max, athough I might still try it one more time!)

O.k., on with the blog, this is the first of several blogs dealing with my recent trip to Vancouver, I have been back for 1 week, and 1 day! I'm also happy to report, I'm back working at the golf course. Coal Creek has never looked better to me then after this last hard cold winter at Black Earth!(I'll trade green for black any day!)

It was a sunny, warm, wensday afternoon, the golf bag was checked, and double checked. All the beer cans empty or full had been removed to save wieght, and/or help finance the trip! Wensday morning had been spent finishing the last blog, empting my camera, filling my batteries...and last minutes of desperate packing!(forshadowing of doom ahead?) These shots are of the rockies, as taken form the left side of the car, if you want to see the mounties on the other side of the road...you'll have to wait till I'm on my way home!

The little honda buzzed along like a champ! I was amazed with the fuel economy, and the zipp! it was hard to stay below 130!(km) I was able to stay in 5th gear for most of the steep hills through out the passes, and when gravity finally won over momentim, a few seconds back in 4th got me back over 100km . I kind of kept waiting for the bad parts, where I'd be in trouble, slugging along behind some semi, at 40km, in 2nd gear, overheating, and underpowerd, wishing for a big gust to just blow me over the side of some unknowen pass...but then I saw the Hope turn off! But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I guess one of the reasons I may have been concerned about overheating on the long trip, would be because just before I left I washed the car at one of those Lazer wash(touchless)places. Both when being pelted by the water, and even the turbo air drier, I could feel the car move! No big deal right, think nothing of it, drive over to lube-x to get the oil changed etc. Now while I had the car running for the engien scrubby/shampooy thing, the fan kicked in for the first time since the car wash. Remember I had said the high presser water/air had moved the car around? Well the car wasn't the only thing to move...the cooling fins from my 20yr. old radiator had moved back into the fans path, and in the seconds following the fan coming on...well, have you ever seen one of those cans of peanut brittle, with the fake snake that comes streamering out? it kind of looked like about 60 of them, but much smaller. The tech guy was leaning over the car, and boy did he jump! After cleaning the rest of the fins out of the way,(about half remain)I tried to get a new rad. Unfortunatly the soonest I could have gotten one was 2 day's, and had to be shipped from Vancouver! After testing the old rad,(by driving home,)I found it didn't leak, or over heat, so I decided to go to Vancouver, and maybe buy a new one there. Now I'm home and the old ones still not leaking or over heating, maybe I'll buy a new one and just keep it in the car till the old one blows out, who know how much farther I'll get on it!

Oh yeah...theres some mountin sheep, proudly mooning the motoriest near Jasper, I think it was probaly just a frat prank or somthing, thier usealy pretty good about that sort of thing! I don't know what their eating, looks like rocks, tough critters, eat stone, crap pebbles!

I decided to camp out at a rest area just past Hope. This is an oasis for weary travler, its perfect. Its big enough to find a spot away from the lights, the travel trailer crowd, but still be close to the fancy bathroom with the running water and flush john! It was about midnight local time, so about 1 am my old time as I made my BumsBed v.2!(pat.pend.) This version is nowhere as comfortable as the first, but it is portable, and rainproof. I put the passangers seat as far foward as I can, then place my suitcase in the hole between the front and back seats. A couple well placed pillows, a thick comfy, warm blanket, thick socks, a sweater, a touque, and a feverious passion to go golfing the next day, all combined to give me a warm,(enough)comfortable,(enough)nights sleep! If only I was 6 inches to a foot shorter, it would have been perfect.(spooning with my golf bag was just a little unexpected bonus!) After 9 blissful hours of sleep, I woke fresh as a dasiy! The rain had fallen most of the night, some times quite hard. As I drove west for about another hour, the farther down into the valley I get the brighter the day is getting. After meeting up with my buddy Chris,(more on this delightful charictor latter, I promise!) we decided to follow the sun, and head west to start my golfing adventours. Delta Gold Club was our first campain. Seams it had been about 6 months since either of us had swung a club, and we were both feeling the rust, so to speak.(it didn't help that Chris golf talented brother Brad came along, as he wasn't rusty at all! so to be fair he handicapped himself(as if golfing with us wasn't enough to handicap anyone!)we got a card for each par, and 2 for each birdie, Brad only got cards for birdies, witch was a good thing cause he parred the first 5 holes in a row! Then at the end of the round, we play poker with how many cards we got through out the game, for like a toonie.) Around hole 9, the sun broke through the cloud layer, and it was Glorious! Right there was worth the whole trip, I could have left that night and been happy! I still had 7 more days! Tentitivly, I slowly peel off two layers of clothes, ready to dash back into thier warm enbrace, but no the sun was real! It floods my body with its radioactive embrace! Ghostly white legs sprouting from shorts that havent seen the light of day since the frogs quite croaking. Thick, wooly socks, laughing in the face of fashion, feet, suddenly soggy from the surprise betrayal of my much beloved golf shoes, then it all comes together, and I par holes 11, 13, and 14! Its like the cup was this big!(see attached photo, ed.) Well I think thats enough for tonight, lets just leave it at driving 1200km, playing one of my favorite courses, and getting 3 pars in my first game in over 6 months!...and Chris winning the poker with 1 card! a queen will beat 2, threes, and a 4 every time! (seams like there must be a dirty joke in there some where!) any way's have a good week. Latter DufferKev.

Ketchup Jam! pt.2 Pass the Toast!

Well Hello friends, welcome once agien to the extremely narrow world view, as far as I can see, as far as I can tell! As the sign above sez, "Some things allways burning!" and in my case, it's the desire to be golfin'! Times burning, time to go where the golf never dies,(just gets all rusty from the constant rain,)time to buzz down to the big stink, time to return to the Van.(and who knows, if they get knocked out of the playoffs while I'm there, I might even get to see the riot!)(watch for me on Cop's)(I'll be the one stealling golf shoes, and knickers!)

And, yes, Buzz down is the right term, I bought a Honda Civic, 5 speed. Its got a 1.5liter leafblower motor, with a pull start,(kidding)no radio,(not kidding, antenas broke, so no radio,)and the first cd I put in, is still stuck there! On the bright side, it's a good cd! and the aux. input works with my mp3, so I got tunes. Also it's about 2x's cheaper to drive then the Blazer was, and with the way the world is a squabblen over the remaining fossil fuels, well I'm just one man tring to do his part! It's a little tighter inside then my VWabbit was, but way zippier, plus it's a 5 speed, so thats cool.(come to think of it, the wabbit also had pinecones under the hood, as this car did, but those were after I bought it...dam squirles!

If you zoom close, and look hard, you'll see the three skulls. All on the driver back window of every vehical I drove in Alberta.(there is one on the passangers side of the Landcrusier as well, but it's real hard to see from here!) I'm thinking of some racing stripes, or maybe little flames,(or maybe both!) I read somewhere racing stipes and/or flame will defenitly make you car faster!(it may have been writen by an 8yr. old, but untill I hear otherwise, I'm inclined to beleave!)

As promised, we have a miraculously transformed porch! When you last saw this sturdy piece of post modern construction, it was just a deck, with one sad, short wall, and a underpaid($0)immergrant sitting on it.(sorry Carlin!) Now its a mostly finished, nearly airtight, semi watertight, overly insulated, dimond in the rough.

Notice the door? Stoled it from my old highschool! Throw me out will ya?(really its liberated from an old Atco trailer, the same ones the Woodie shed metal came from.)(I like the full width push bar on the inside,)(although I like most thing with a full bar inside!)

Speaking of inside...here it is! Notice the unfished walls, the clutter, the general lack of order? All part of the plan. Its not that winter caught me with my pants down,(a very serious problem up here, where do you think the term blue balls came from?)but after landing the Black Earth job, most of my time(energy)was used up. Once I finish the walls, and get shelves built, most of the clutter will vanish! Nice ceiling though.

Now its time for the "fuzzy creatures on the ground below" portion of the blog. This is the new family of squatters that moved into my den.(the big one snuck in first, and smuggled the other three in her...well lets just say, its not the first time things have been smuggled in there, but three little ones! how she even get them up there? I heard tell of goats smuggleing dimonds in Africa, and of drug dogs down in the US, but baby cat smuggleing is a new one for me!)(oh well I guess they can stay...but NO citizenship!) The big ones Slice,
and the little fuzz balls are Pitch, En, Putt! Although in this shot it's Putt!, En, Pitch, kitties are hard pose.(just kidding Peta, no kitties were posed during the production of this blog!)
Pitch, has a white face, remindes me of an open faced club, like a pitching wedge, or sand wedge,(Ummmmmm, open faced club sandwitch!)(copyright Homer Simpson...all rights reserved.)Putt!, who was breifly called Chilean Miner,(chilly-m for short)fell down a hole, between the closet, and the shelf they were born on. After a multi hour search and rescue, little Putt! was saved!(get it? putt was down the hole, where all good putts belong!) And En, just likes to be in the middle, so, Pitch, En, Putt!

I'm leaven today for my sun n golf trip, wanted to finish this blog first, get you all cought up, before I get way behind agien, hope to have some good pic. for upcoming blogs, and maybe a story or two, of some grand adventure!(although at my age, the grandest adventure may just be a safe, quite trip, lots of naps, and one of those floppy travel hats.

I'll leave you with this. I know the little ones are too small to start training for this sort of thing, but soon enough.(I've been showing them this picture every day since thier little eyes opend up, and I think they're starting to get it.) Soon I'll bring in one of the poms, they're small enough to be sort of a practice dog...then, when their ready, we'll move on to the big dog's. Together, we'll rule the yard! I'll have my roving squad of ninja
death cats, and then I'll be unstopable! Today, the yard,...Tomorrow the World!(BooooHaaahaaaha)(best evil/mad doomsday laugh I know how to spell.)

Latter all, next blog after my trip! have a good one, DufferKev.

Ketchup Jam! pt1

Well, hell its easter allready! Not quite sure what happend here but my last blog was in january...how the time slimes away from us all! Spring time has arrived,(then retreated, then arrived agien) Todays suns making yesterdays snow melt faster then a fat mans resolve at Tim Hortens!

So whats up with Ketchup JAM? Well, its time for some spring cleaning! Time to empty out the camera, dust off last falls faded memorys, and try in vain to ketchup, by jamming abunch of stuff together! Like the pondering rapter above, I just loved the idea of a tomatoe smoothie...So with the clever title,(and a leap of faith)I get to use him.

Quick get-up-to-speed, crib note style fall and winter: I worked at Black Earth...and thats about it! Oh sure I bought a car, I moved Slice in,(you remember the creepy-est of the kittens from way back when,)Slice had babies,..But thats about it!(and those are for another blog,)

Late(2late?)last fall I decided to build a porch onto my tiny trailer,(I mean the mighty DufferDen!)and caught up in waves of enthusiasm, I totaly over built the sucker!(I mean, in case of tornado, I'll be found under my porch, it'll still be there!)(room for you too, but please book well in advance,)(all major credit cards accepted!)

First off when building a porch, you need a good deck,(or if you get lazy, you can just stop at the deck, nothing wrong with a change of design mid stream, like how most of my omlettes turn into scrambled eggs!) First thought was to pour pads, and bracket 4x4 holders, to save time, money, and last but fisrt, LABOUR! After talking with other overbuilding freinds, and giving some serious thought to the massive frost heaves,(just take a drive down some of our back hiways, and you'll understand frost heaves a little better!)I decided to drill 6foot pilelings, fill them with cement, and jam 8ft. 4x4's(treated, of coures)deep into mother earths clay embrace!(notice the 36can pack of Boxer beer in the back ground, I'll credit much of this design to Boxer!) Next comes the 2x6's, some Tyvek,(same stuff I made flags out of for my Goffer Golf last year,)(pat./pend.) and of course r20 insulation!(cozy deck=warm porch!) To top off your deck, I like more Tyvek, and a fat layer of 3/4inch ply!(this could be the dance floor for a trucker wedding!)(sorry to all truckers, and mostly to all married out there!)(bettcha you wish you could live in a den, or build a truckers dance deck, buttcha can't cause your married, and he/she just wouldn't understand the lost property value for some useless stupid deck! I mean how many trucker weddings could there be? it's kind of a nich market, isn't it?)...(?)(or tell him/her its a Pacidurm Breeding Research Facillity,)(or just keep going and finish your porch!)

One of the most important, key ingredents to any project, is the side kick, right hand man, gopher, and or helper guy, in this case I got my bro Carlin to be all of them! This is him sitting next to the short wall of the porch,(one of his rare un-mobile moments, don't tell him, but I'd say, "I'll be right back," then go for like 3 beer, check my spam mail, play some vid, and he'd be just a hammering away out there for like 20 min!...look at the grin, poor guy still thinks he's gettin paid!)...(I mean thanks agien Carlin!) More porch next Blog, amazing overnight tranformations, etc.

On to a bright sunny afternoon late last fall, when the leaves were gone and the day's were begining to shorten noticeably, the bosses fianally let us play the grass side! This is hole #6 tee box,(back tees) for this year it will be hole #1,(a brutally long par 5 for the opening hole? ouch!) I hit a very happy shot just past the grass bunker, right by the crook in the pond,(upper middle of the shot on the left,)(remember, you can enlarge most pics by left clicking on them!)then waited for like 20min. well the rest of the group sprayed many tee shots left, and right, onto the road, into the pond,(the same pond on the upper left witch feeds into the stream from "Antanmy of a Stream" from last summers blogs,)proving once and for all, if you build the course...don't mean you can play the course. Dont get me wrong, I gave plenty of balls to the water gods, but most of my driver tee shots were on terra firma!(and I don't even care if I spelt it rong. thats how it sounds.)

Above right is the 6th green, with water to the left, and water behind us to the right, you'd wanna lay-it-up-to-the-right-yardage, so to speak.

This is the #7 tee box, the green is over the water, and all that pretty black sand. I hit a couple out of the sand, just for fun, and it was denser by far then normal sand, will take some getting use to, but it is so cool! Notice the long shadows already, and this is only our second hole.

Here is the 8th green from above the 7ths bunkers, notice how the water wraps around the green, with just that strip of black sand around the back to save any over zelisht shots? I got to help dig that bunker in.

On the right is the 8th tee box, hard to tell, but to the left of those trees is the green,(being pinched from the right by trees, and to the left with the above pictured water.)(If memory serves...now serving for match point, memory...I hit it so far left, I missed the water and landed back on the 7th fairway!)

O.k., this is for those of you who don't belive I'm accually living this extravigent life. This is last fall me,(accaually hitting the above noted far left shot!)(thanks Dale for the pic.) Notice the same style socks as my hole in one shot from like 3 years ago?(could they be the same socks...with the amazing Jiffy Sock 2000, only CSI could tell!) Look closely by my right foot, its my aliment aid. I take a full beer can and put it by my foot, and if I swivle too much, I SPILL THE BEER! A decidedly un-Canadian thing to do!

Here is the wonderfully dizzy'n 13th upper tee. way down in the distence is the green,(upper middle/left) you can see the bunkers in frount, but the drop offs to the right and behind are invisible. (till you've mowed them that is!) Several stories up, on the tip of a nub, out in the wind, trouble all around, 200+yrds. I think I'll lay up!(some what un-manly for a par 3, but safe golf is smart golf on this course!)

This is the 13th green, its so far up in the hills, it was dark by the time we got down, we really played three more holes after this, but the rest of the dark shots,(both golf and photo,) are best left behind. Just know this, after the golf we had deep fried turkey, n'pickles, n'mozzarella sticks, n'whatever else moved too slow in the shop that night! Yum!

In closing I'd like to leave you with this...I don't think the problem is the baby carriage, the sequway, or the lazy. The real issue is every cellphone camera carring povorotzi wannabe out there ridiculing any one brave enough to try something fun. She should have strapped on one of those speedwalker, supercyclest, 1970's bannana seat look alike helmets, with a suit designed for NASA, (by speedo) streched over her frame, big goggles, and of course a five foot silk scarf. Hook the kid on back in some sort of streamed line, bobslead on mags thingy, hunch over your "I'm too important to walk" scooter, in your best downhill skier pose, and zoom off at 4mph. giving the camera jerk your best "queen caught at a shoe sale" wave. Remember crazy is better then lazy!

Latter DufferKev.